Im at strip club and am horny
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
