you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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