...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
