I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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