Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This is not my ceiling
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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