I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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