Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
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Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
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i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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