On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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