he wants to bone in the snuggie
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
