I can feel you judging me through the phone.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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