This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
