I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
