He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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