your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
