just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
