I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
