It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
