Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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