Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize