She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
