when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
