my soul wont recognize me after tonight
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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