what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
