all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
