I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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