i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
birth control should be required to get into college
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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