It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
