Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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