Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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