He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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