my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
