Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize