You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
