____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
