i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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