I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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