he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
