I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
