Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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