she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
