i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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