Fine. I'll sleep in my office
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize