I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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