i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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