I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
