wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
