There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
