I faked an abortion last night.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
