turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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