I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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