I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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