My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
