worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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