I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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