my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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