He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I could fuck to npr.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
