did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
