I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
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