Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
farters have to be the big spoon...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
