Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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