In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
