we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
