Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
