what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
