Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
