Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
