My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
