Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
