If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
